Oh, Tam, that’s why I had to hire Executive Outcomes to club baby harp seals to death with machine guns — BARs and Thompsons, mostly. It’s the only way to get the wood of the stock dyed the proper deep hue.
…Then they filled the seals with bullets, of course. Ahhh, what a fine, fine day. Best use of an NRA wheelbarrow o’cash yet!