John Browning: Dastardly Mormon
Posted by vpcadmin on February 28, 2008
The patron-saint of all Gun Blobbers, John Browning invented numerous firearms and thus is the source of much of the world’s ills. Gun Blobbers idolize him because he represents someone who acted completely sane around firearms. We at the VPC Blog know this is a quality only to found in Law Enforcement Officers, thus his fanatics are deluding themselves.
Here is a sample list of his crimes:
- Turned a lever-action rifle into an assault weapon. He probably used Black Magic in order to accomplish this feat.
- From this, he designed the M1895 machine gun, and then the M2 machine gun.
- The Browning Automatic Rifle. Truly a deadly assault weapon.
- Created the the M1911 and Browning Hi-Power pistols, frequently used by gangsters.
- He created six deadly pistol cartridges: .25 ACP*, .32 ACP, .38 ACP, .380 ACP, 9mm Browning Long, and .45 ACP.
- And, worst of all, he created the .50 Caliber Browning Machine Gun cartridge.
As you can see, he is practically a war criminal. We’ve created a pie graph to display how many deaths are caused by John Browning. Invariably, all deaths are caused either by John Browning or by Glocks.
It is the opinion of the VPC that everything John Browning touched should be destroyed: all guns based on his designs, his ancestral home, and the entire state of Utah. His family, up to three degrees removed, should be liquidated so that his genetic material may never harm society again.
*ACP stands for “Assault Combat Pistol.”
EDIT: Added a second pie graph. This one reduces the number of variables for ease of viewing.