VPC Blog

Centro De la Política De la Violencia

John Browning: Dastardly Mormon

Posted by vpcadmin on February 28, 2008

John Browning.The patron-saint of all Gun Blobbers, John Browning invented numerous firearms and thus is the source of much of the world’s ills. Gun Blobbers idolize him because he represents someone who acted completely sane around firearms. We at the VPC Blog know this is a quality only to found in Law Enforcement Officers, thus his fanatics are deluding themselves.

Here is a sample list of his crimes:

  • Turned a lever-action rifle into an assault weapon. He probably used Black Magic in order to accomplish this feat.
  • From this, he designed the M1895 machine gun, and then the M2 machine gun.
  • The Browning Automatic Rifle. Truly a deadly assault weapon.
  • Created the the M1911 and Browning Hi-Power pistols, frequently used by gangsters.
  • He created six deadly pistol cartridges: .25 ACP*, .32 ACP, .38 ACP, .380 ACP, 9mm Browning Long, and .45 ACP.
  • And, worst of all, he created the .50 Caliber Browning Machine Gun cartridge.

As you can see, he is practically a war criminal. We’ve created a pie graph to display how many deaths are caused by John Browning. Invariably, all deaths are caused either by John Browning or by Glocks.

Proof of Browning’s Evil.Simplified pie graph of John Browning’s crimes.

It is the opinion of the VPC that everything John Browning touched should be destroyed: all guns based on his designs, his ancestral home, and the entire state of Utah. His family, up to three degrees removed, should be liquidated so that his genetic material may never harm society again.

*ACP stands for “Assault Combat Pistol.”

EDIT: Added a second pie graph. This one reduces the number of variables for ease of viewing.

18 Responses to “John Browning: Dastardly Mormon”

  1. […] Invariably, all deaths are caused either by John Browning or by Glocks. […]

  2. […] truly hilarious VPC Blog just keeps cracking me up.  The post about John Browning: Dastardly Mormon is […]

  3. Guav said

    This blog is brilliant.

  4. CTone said

    This is the best entertainment I’ve had in a long time! “Assault Combat Pistol!” Yeah, Browning really had the “combat” market pinned with that .25 ACP! Did you know it was supposed to replace the underpowered.38-40 Winchester?

  5. I’ve been working out, doing martial arts, training so that if I ever meet this John Moses Browning, I can kick some butt! I love my daughter more than these gun loons love their glocks.

  6. qlajlu said

    “It is the opinion of the VPC that everything John Browning touched should be destroyed: all guns based on his designs, his ancestral home, and the entire state of Utah. His family, up to three degrees removed, should be liquidated so that his genetic material may never harm society again.”

    My, my, my, here is the Violence Policy Center who abhors violence preaching the demise of an entire State! Oh, did I happen to mention that it happened to be MY STATE?


    Someone should really look up what “ACP” actually stands for, too.

  7. Tomare Utsu Zo said

    If you really loved your daughter, not only would you own a gun so that you would have a reasonable chance of protecting her, but you would buy her a gun of her own and train her to use it, so that she could protect herself.

  8. juris imprudent said

    What? No love for Col. Colt? Or his bastard step-sons, Smith and Wesson?

    As evil as John Browning was, guns have made other people evil too you know!

  9. vpcadmin said

    Colonel Colt is on the List. Just you wait. Ronnie Barrett’s on it, too. We should really have a dedicated category just for Ronnie Barrett.

  10. April Bledsoe said

    ACP=Automatic COLT Pistol.

    At least if you are going to attempt humor, and this has to be a lame attempt at that, get your facts straight so you dont look like a total putz.

    I love how you demean Glocks as well. Thats funny. Really. Everyone knows that most deaths by handgun are actually caused by reading crap like this, and then grabbing your Hi-Point and killing your neighbors dog out of spite…that is, if you are a liberal with a mental disorder.
    I bet you uneducated idiots believe that “Homeboi sights” are real….LOL

    Just curious, how many of you anti gunners have a serious sexual disfunction? One of the greatest minds of our time stated that a fear of weapons was a sign of mental disfunction and sexual immaturity.

  11. Dave Hardy said

    It is the fate of most satire to be taken too seriously. I once ran a print article supposedly from the National Coalition to Ban Edged Weapons, calling for the abolition of all knives, and pointing out how paramilitary organizations such as Boy Scouts use them, and the publisher felt obliged to run a big disclaimer noting that the following is satire, not a real position.

    The only risk is that John M. Browning may not understand, and as a demigod, may strike down the blog operators. Thus I post in hopes that He may understand and His wrath be abated, or vented upon the schismatic followers of the false god glock.

  12. WA Tom said

    So don’t they know that JMB is dead and has been for quite some time? How come they are ready to put him on trial? I like the pie chart showing that the BAR causes 8% of all deaths and the M2 causes 30%. So under what trenchcoat would a convenience store robber hide an M2? I must tell you honestly, that someone who can carry an assembled M2 is SO buff that he doesn’t need a firearm for intimidation purposes!

  13. BIG_GUNNUT said

    You guys don’t know shit.


  14. John said

    I have been around firearms, including Browings,and Colts all of my life. The interesting fact is tha I have never seen one of them just jump up and shoot somebody. It only happens when an individual picks it up aims it and pulls the trigger. Why is this fact ALWAYS overlooked? People kill people!

  15. Josh said


  16. MOTR Man said

    I couldn’t tell if this was tongue in cheek or not?
    Well, truth and facts almost always win out, however, people will believe what they want regardless of the truth put in front of them.
    Firstly: before there were guns, Old Alexander did a great job of killing thousands with swords and bows. Think back to the first recorded murder? Cain killed Able with a rock. People kill people, ironically, the guns just make it more humain.
    This country (the United States of America, in case you’re from out of town) started when we revolted against tyranical oppression. Yes, we told our government to shove off, we’re gonna make a republic. The reason the second ammendmant was written had very little to do with defending our house. It was written to make it clear that the government wasn’t going to take our freedoms away. All of us being armned helped insure that case.
    Yes, criminals do abuse the right to keep and bear arms. I agree. Once someone breaks that, we should strip the criminal of the right to arm herself (or himself).
    But the real danger isn’t guns. Not in America. Every year in the United States, we have 250,000 automobile accidents (NHS 2006). I think we should make people get licenses or something if they want to drive. (And take those cars away when they can’t)

  17. Will said

    Did you know J. M. Browning, Gaston Glock and Ronnie Barrett are all related? And that their middle names are an anogram of Pandora’s Box?

  18. Software Mentor said

    I think that this webicle is sooooo gud that I posting it 4 all my friend to have sumwon red to hymn. I be stil smyling.

    And why did you stop at just the Mormon bastard Browning? Why not the Mormon propaganda inventor of television Farnsworth, since guns are portrayed as fun on TV, or that Mormon jerk Henry Eyring, theoretical chemist, who developed the Absolute Rate Theory which is the basis for all modern chemistry (and thus promoted the advancement of chemical weapons – destroy all of his family and friends, and all of his followers, i.e., all chemists or anyone who has taken a chemistry class)?

    You simply MUST expand your horizons if you plan to rid the planet of the likes of Ghenghis Khan, whom John Kerry brought to our attention. Look at all those people he killed (opps! I think that the “he” actually grammatically refers to Kerry)! or Vlad the Impaler (the source of Dracula legends), who impaled at least 100,000 people on spears planted in the ground if he didn’t like the way they looked at him. I mean, yah, they didn’t actually use guns, per se, but they would have! And we all KNOW they inspired these Mormon micreants!!!!

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