Mauser Broomhandle: First Assault Pistol Ever
Posted by vpcadmin on March 1, 2008
In the year 1896, Winston Churchill invented the Mauser C96 in order to crush natives with greater efficiency. The nickname “Broomhandle” refers to the devastating wounds it produces. “[The] bullet… can be called a missile,” a book once said in an unrelated exposition. It fed from a ten or twenty rounds magazine and recharged using deadly stripper clips. Later, even more deadly detachable magazines were used.
It served as the inspiration for all other assault pistols, such as the MAC-10, TEC-9, and Glock. As we all know, the deadly secret of assault pistols is that their magazine is inserted in front of the trigger. The reason for this deadliness is that bullets gain extra power from the position of the magazine. Plus, a murderer could hold onto the magazine using his free hand, producing deadly firing stability.
An even more deadly advancement came in the 1930s, when it was modified to be a “machine pistol,” rapidly spraying bullets with a single press of the trigger. This is not to be confused with the even more deadly semi-automatic version, which is just as even more deadly as the full-automatic version. Both definitely are bullet hoses, despite what the Gun Blobbers say.
In 1977, this assault weapon found its way into the hit movie Star Wars. This was a propaganda coup for the Gun Blobby, indoctrinating a whole generation of children into desiring these deadly weapons. In this absurd and violent story, the fictional character Han Solo savagely murdered Greedo, a law enforcement officer, with this weapon. NRA-shill George Lucas tried to make it look like “self-defense” in his “special edition” version of Star Wars. But the VPC was able to put a stop to that with our “Han Shot First” campaign.
To honor his memory and prevent further tragedies, please make donations to VPC.org. In the future, the Brady Campaign will work with us to pass “Greedo’s Law” to protect police officers. Together, we will take these military weapons off the street!
And, kids, remember what Obi-Wan said: “Blasters [guns] are uncivilized.”
VPC Blog 
B.C.King said
“Greedo’s Law”?What the hell are you people smoking?
Turk Turon said
Could this whole blog be nothing more than a sales tool for FFL-holder Josh Sugarmann’s gun store? He has a license to sell Mausers, assault weapons and .50-BMGs in downtown Washington, D.C.
Talk about loopholes! How much you want for that vintage Broomhandle, Josh?
Squeaky Wheel said
So, uh…you wanna add me to that list of “Gun Whackos Posing as Women” over there, or do I have to scare you first?
Guav said
Please do not stop. Every entry is better than the last.
SayUncle » Han shot first said
[…] Greedo, a tragic victim of gun violence: In 1977, this assault weapon found its way into the hit movie Star Wars. This was a propaganda coup for the Gun Blobby, indoctrinating a whole generation of children into desiring these deadly weapons. In this absurd and violent story, the fictional character Han Solo savagely murdered Greedo, a law enforcement officer, with this weapon. NRA-shill George Lucas tried to make it look like “self-defense” in his “special edition” version of Star Wars. But the VPC was able to put a stop to that with our “Han Shot First” campaign. […]
Kevin Baker said
Hey, I OWN a “Han Shot First” T-shirt!
I feel so USED!
(I don’t know who you are, but you’re bloody BRILLIANT!)
Blackburn said
This is a ripoff of last year’s takeover of the official Brady myspace blog, where a mysterious, brilliant, and most likely dangerously handsome unknown individual posted about the dangers of Long Distance Murder Rifles and the most deadly round in the world, the .22LR. However, you’re doing such a good job that I’ll let it slide.
Scott said
Hahahahaha! I don’t have a clue what your agenda is, but that is freaking hilarious!
tencfan said
Ok, you people are just nuts!
P.s. Greedo was Jabba`s hinchman, not a law enforcment officer, Jeesh!
Roberta X said
As another “Gun Whacko Posing As Women” (postcards and calendars available later this year), I echo Squeaky’s sentiments.
Also: Kewl C96, Josh. Does it only shoot The Only Ones, or does it threaten the innocent, too? Neat-o!
vpcadmin said
Blackburn,
We here at the VPC Blog don’t read MySpace pages. Even our vaunted allies, the Brady Campaign, would never be so desperate as to make a MySpace Page… unless they completely ran out of money. Which they haven’t!
qlajlu said
I learn something new every time I read this “rag.” In all the years I have been shooting I did not know that any firearm could feed from a “dangerous” stripper clip. And forgive me for not knowing that semi-automatic was “more deadly” than automatic fire.
Angry Oracle said
You know it’s good satire when you have to read it twice to be sure. I swear you are channeling Sarah Brady.
Kenneth said
I see you have an internet connection at the asylum. Don’t worry, the nurse will be by with your pills very soon.
Trak Nar said
XD “Greedo’s Law.”
If someone, for some reason, somewhere, decided to ever try and get that through to Congress, I’d totally support it.
Ross said
This has got to be the most idiotic, blantantly ignorant post I have read on the internet.
I generally love it when anti-gun people look like fools, but God help me you are going to the extreme.
Swattie said
Boy y’all really need to check your facts. Especially these.
Glock and Mac-10 do not load in front of the trigger like you claim. They load behing the trigger. The Glock is also NOT an assault pistol.
As for the Han Solo/Greedo Arguement…Greedo was NOT a law enforcement officer. Greedo was actually a bounty hunter working for the crime lord Jabba the Hutt.
Maybe you should check your facts before having diarhea of the mouth.
Shooting Sports Safe? Preposterous! « VPC Blog said
[…] onto airplanes. We agree with his position and point new readers to our article on the first assault pistol ever made. Mauser C96 pistols definitely do not belong on […]
Will said
I don’t object to anti-gun opinions but for God’s sake, at least read a wiki article or something before you write this crap.
1. The C96 WAS NOT invented by Churchill (he was a war correspondant and polititian d’you know, not a gunsmith)
2. The .30 Mauser cartridge is considerably underpowered compared to modern loadings; the ‘devastating wounds’ is bullshit.
3. It was not called a ‘broomhandle’ because the wounds were like…being poked by a broomhandle? WTF? It refered to the shape of the handle.
4. There are ONLY two ways to load an autoloading pistol: magazines and (more rarely and ineffectivly) stripper clips. To call these meathods more ‘deadly’ than other methods is plain stupid: there are no other a methods.
5. The C96 is in no way a fore-runner to MAC-10s or Tech-9s: they are completly mechanically different.
6. You say that the semi-auto was adapted to the more deadly full-auto, which was not as deadly as the semi-auto….riiiiggghhhttt.
7. You say that having the magazine in front of the trigger makes it more powerful. I take it you don’t know a whole lot about physics. The barrel length affects the velocity of a given cartridge, and the further forward the chamber is, the less barrel there is, without making it longer and more difficult to use as a concealed weapon.
8. The only reason it was used in Star Wars was because the prop department couldn’t be bothered to design a gun, so just tricked out the Mauser since it was antiquated and less likely to be recognised by audiences.
Lets face it, you can say bad things about Glocks and Tech-9s, probably with good reason, but don’t go after 19th Century guns that you don’t know anything about and probably haven’t been fired in anger since Churchill caried one…
Quick question: was Churchill (or Lawrence of Arabia to name another frequent C96 user) a terrorrist or assassin? No, he was a god-damned hero.
“As we all know, the deadly secret of assault pistols is that their magazine is inserted in front of the trigger”-that bit especially cracks me up…
Will said
Christ, I only just realised you were joking. Fuck me…
Jack said
Ummm… you guys realize this is SATIRE. I’m not naming any names here (Swattie, Ross, tencfan) but when you can’t recognize sarcastic prattle (no offense, it’s still hilarious) you yourself spew idiotic, blatant ignorance.
Keep it up vpcadmin 🙂
Mason said
to Ross and Swattie: if you haven’t noticed yet, this whole blog is used to discredit the VPC through satire. Once you read this blog, you start seeing the holes in the REAL VPC’s website. satire tends to do that. Just sit back and remember that America depends too much on gun companies to ban them, as people in charge of gun companies (Barrett, for instance) would stop selling to the government if their semi-autos were banned from sale to the people (Barrett no longer sells to any californian government agency because they cannot sell to the people.)
bitterman said
mauser is a german gun. i saw a dokumentary where they were interviewing old veterans from ww1 and or ww2, one said the mauser had a distinct sound when it fired and every time he heard it he felt shivers cause it usually meant an allied soldier was shot injured or dead almost certainly cause the german officers issued the weapon was all excellent marksmen. If churchill had a c96 that must have been sorta bad PR using the germans weapon. George Lucas must be responsible for all the deaths in usa caused by speeding, since he depicted hyper-speed in te star wars movies? or maybe thats captain kirks/scotty´s fault ie warp 10?
u sure its not Gods fault for inventing humans to begin with?